THE WADSWORTH GAS ATTACK a n d RIO GRANDE RATTLER 29 SATAN ABDICATES H IS THRONE IN FAVOR OF GERMAN KAISER Admits That He is N o t in Class W ith Spike Helmeted Gentleman at Head of Huns.— —Pupil Has Outstripped M aster. When Louis Syberkrop, of Creston, Iowa, wrote the satire on K aiser Wilhelm, which follows, he little thought it would attract the attention which it has. Requests for copies have come to him from Theodore Roosevelt, Secretary of the N avy Daniels, Secretary to the President Tumulty and other notables. The article is in the form of a letter from his Satanic m ajesty to his human prototype. It says: To Wilhelm von Hohenzollern, King of Prus sia, Emperor of all Germany and Envoy E x traordinary of Almighty God: My dear Wilhelm: I can call yon by that fam iliar name, for I have always been very close to you—much closer than yon could ever know. From the time th a t you were yet an unde veloped being in your m o ther’s womb have I shaped your destiny for my purpose. Nero-—Roughneck. In the days of Rome I created a roughneck known in history as Nero. He was a vulgar character and suited my purpose at th a t par ticular time. In these modern days a classic demon and efficient super-criminal was needed, and as I know the Hohenzollern blood I picked you as my special instrum ent to place on earth an annex of hell. I gave you abnormal ambition, likewise an oversupply of egotism th a t yon m ight not discover your own failings; I tw ist ed your mind to that of a madman w ith cer tain normal tendencies to carry you by, a most dangerous character placed in power; I gave you the power of a hypnotist and a certain magnetic force that you might sway your people. I am responsible for the de formed arm that hangs helpless on your left, for your crippled condition em b itters your life and destroys all noble impulses that might otherwise cause me anxiety, but your strong sword arm is driven by your ambition that squelches all sentim ent and pity; I placed in your soul a deep hatred for all things English, for of all nations on earth I hate England most; wherever England plants her flag she brings order out of chaos and the hatred cross follows the Union Jack; under her rule wild tribes become tillers of the soil and in due time practical citizens; she is the great civilizer of the globe, and I HATE HER. I planted in your soul a cruel hatred for your mother because SHE was English, and left my good friend Bismarck to fan the flame I had kindled. Recent history proves how well our work was done. It broke vonr royal m o ther’s heart, but I gained my purpose. The inherited disease of the Hohenzollerns killed your father, just as it will kill you, and you became the ruler of Germany and a tool of mine sooner than I expected. Three Evil Spirits. To assist you and farther hasten my work, I sent you three evil spirits—Nietzsche, Trit- schke and later B ernhardi—whose teachings inflamed the youths of Germany, who in good time would be willing and loyal subjects and eager to spill their blood and pull your chest nuts, yours and mine; the spell has been per fect—you cast your ambitions eyes toward the M editerranean, Egypt, India and the D ar danelles and you began your great railw ay to Bagdad, but the ambitions archduke and his more ambitious wife stood in your way. I t was then that I sowed the seed in your heart that blossomed into the assassination of the duke and his wife, and all hell smiled when it saw how cleverly you saddled the crime on Serbia. I saw yon set sails for the fiords of Nor way, and I knew you would prove an alibi. How cleverly done, so much like your noble grandfather, who also secured an assassin to remove old King Frederick of Denmark, and later robbed th a t country of two provinces that gave Germany an opportunity to be come a naval power. Murder is dirty work, but it takes a Hohenzollern to make away and get by. Good Work, Bill. Your opportunity was at hand; you set the world on fire and bells of hell were ring ing; your rape on Belgium caused much joy. I t was the beginning, the foundation of a perfect hell on earth; the destruction of noble cathedrals and other infinite works of art was hailed with joy in the infernal regions. You made war on friends and foe alike and the murder of civilians showed my teachings had borne fruit. Your treachery toward neu- •<s* tral nations hastened a universal upheaval, the thing I most desired. Your undersea w a r fare is a m aster stroke, from the smallest mackerel pot to the great L u sitania yon show no favorites; as a war lord yon stand su preme, for you have no mercy; you have no consideration for the b aby clinging to its m o ther’s breast as they both go down into the deep together, only to be torn apart and leisurely devoured by sharks down among the corals. An Up-to-date Inferno. I have strolled over the battlefields of Bel gium and France. I have seen your hand of destruction everywhere; i t ’s all your work, super-fiend that I made you. I have seen the fields of Poland; now a wilderness fit for prowling beasts only; no merry children in Poland now; they all succumbed to frost and starvation—I drifted down in Galicia where formerly Jews and Gentiles lived happily to gether; I found but ruins and ashes; I felt a curious pride in my pupil, for it was all above my expectation. I was in Belgium when yon drove the peace ful population before yon like cattle into slavery; yon separated man and wife and forced them to hard labor in trenches. I have seen the most fiendish rape committed on young women and those who were forced into m a ternity were cursing the father of their offspring and I began to doubt if my own inferno was really up to date. Out Sataning Satan. You have taken millions o f . dollars from innocent victims and called it indem nity; S h e e p L C o a t JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN TOWN THE MOST ESSENTIAL UNIFORM, AT THE REMARKABLY LOW PRICE OF GOLDBERG'S “ON TH E SQUARE” SPARTANBURG, 8 / C. VISIT The only Basement Cafe in Town. Good things to eat at ■ reasonable ' prices. Everything clean. You will feel at home here. Regular din ner every day. THE MAIN STREET CAFE Located in Basement NEW REX THEATRE BUILDING E A S T M A I N ST .