OCR Interpretation

The Rio Grande rattler. ([McAllen], Hidalgo County, Tex.) 1916-1917, December 08, 1917, Image 33

Image and text provided by New York State Military History Museum

Persistent link: http://www.nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/sn87030234/1917-12-08/ed-1/seq-33/

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THE WADSWORTH GAS ATTACK a n d RIO GRANDE RATTLER 3 1 B R E A K F A S T , luncheon or a light supper can be quickly pre­ pared and in absolute comfort by means of electrical appliances. COFFEE PERCOLATORS C H A F IN G D ISH E S Electric Heaters for small rooms Electric Hot Water Heaters for comfort when shavinj SOUTH CAROLINA LIGHT, P0W1 SPARTANBURG, S. WHY THEY DIDN’T ENLIST. Felix Ponsonby Doolittle III. “Enlist? Mercy me, No! Olive drab is frightfully unbecoming. If the uniforms were a delicate shade of lavender, I might consent to be a colonel, but my soul shudders at the thought of garbing my form in muddy brown. Of course, I shall do my piece, as the saying is, I shall give up using lilac perfume on alternate Wednesdays and I shall send a box of goodies every month to some worthy fellow in the trenches.” Cyril N u tt. “Fight for the country ? Why should I ? 1 live in the city. I should let some big Bo die use me as a pin cushion! Not me. I ’m a wise guy. I ’ll just stick at my job in the pickle factory and when you guys get back from the front, I’ll be boss, and you’ll have to come to me for jobs. My brain is too valuable to use it as a common doughboy, and the poor boobs in Washington wouldn’t give me a commission, so I’m off this war. Cyril N u tt work for $30 a m o n th? Don’t make me laugh?” Prof. Orville Bumm. “I decided not to enlist because of physical disability. I am threatened with baldness and my feet get cold very easily. Of course, I’ll help all I can, although I did not start this war. I have consented to give up my position as professor of domestic science in Miss Soop’s Female Academy to become second assistant di­ rector of the Division of Cod Fish Balls, under the Food Commission, at -the modest salary of $3,000 a year. I consider that I am making better use of my ability there than in the trenches. • Besides, i t ’s safer.”

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