12 THE WADSWORTH GAS ATTACK a n d RIO GRANDE RATTLER DIVISION HEADQUARTERS TROOPJ B u g ler Jim m y W a tterson has agreed to r e duce his visits to the fair unknow n at Gaffney, N o rth Carolina, to two a month. Si H u n ter, of W alden, N. Y., has been successful in his efforts to put away at least tw elve eggs every morning. On the one day hot dogs w e re substituted for the hen fru it he m ade up for it by partaking of at least five “seconds.” F ire Comm issioner W a lter R e ttker has been w orn out by his experiences as chief fire inspector of the A d m inistration Build ing, and he is now considering a soft berth at the Arm y Building in W ashington. Chauncey DePew, chief aide of Pop W il son in the kitchen, has decided to let some one else burn the beans, while his beloved boss, Sergeant M acKissey, is going to in- stal a tim e clock for the special benefit of the K. P.’s. Les H u n t is planning a trip back to Mayor Hy Ian’s own city, “Brooklyn.” He is m uch disturbed by the report th a t gunm en are scarce in the Big Town, and in view of his well know n work in camp he is rec ommended as an ideal representative of the “Good old days.” H u g h Stange intends to shun all skin gam es since he was forced to prolong his visit in the kitchen because some one dumped the peels back into the potato pot. Sergeant Springer has a t last really a r rived am o ng the “Big Guns.” He is now trying to explain to the m ail clerk of the 106th Field A rtillery why it is th a t all those little pink enveloped letters m u s t of their very nature be addressed to him. The ser geant is one of the forem o st advocates of a T u rkish campaign. It is now know n why Jake W a g n e r has never been questioned in town about the leather puttees he is sporting. The only tim e he w e a rs them in the streets is be tw een the troop auto and a certain parlor door. The cam p experts are seriously consider ing a change in the tenth general order. They w a n t it to read: “In any case not covered by instructions to call Sergeant Ames.” H oward Stark, who called a M. P. re cently to dispossess some of the troopers from their own car is unsatisfied by his lazy existence here and has decided to hold a little w ar all by him self. All the m em b ers of the fourth ten t go to bed these nights w ith their trench shoes on, w a iting for one of H o w a rd’s cute little m idnight skirm ishes. The Gas Attack a t g reat expense has finally secured the services of Em il Smilie, the fam ous script dispenser. H is first con tribution follow s: . ..• “C h ristm as came and w ith it the m any com forts in sm o k ing cigars, cigarettes, pipes and tobacco, but w h en New Y e a r’s day ap peared, the com fort of a good smoke was enjoyed by those in ten t No. 10 w ith the gift of a Sibley stove pipe full of soot. Ex perts of all trades appeared, but to find the range expert was an oversight and the squad was camouflaged for fu r ther orders. A cool head and a clear pipe may be ap plied to a Sibley stove.” 47TH INFANTRY. The following has been tagged to Corpo ral E b irt of K Company. W hile doing guard duty in Y aphank he was taking his detail out one night and had posted them all but one Son of the Old Sod, Bill Casey, by name. Him, he ordered to stand guard at a certain corner. Looking around, Casey noticed a sign reading, “Post No Bills.” “Oi say, Corporal, yez con’t lit me stay here, don’t yez see thot sign?” Sergeant T u c k e r of the Band m ade a re quest recently for a new outfit. “It’s a sham e,” he told the supply Sergeant, “the way I have to go around in these togs.” “Why, they are as good as the other mem bers of the band have,” replied the Supply Sergeant. “T h a t’s all right,” said Tucker, “I have to lead them , and I should be dressed to ‘beat the band.’ ” Company K and Company I are now mess ing together. W hen several argum e n ts sta r t at once the mess shack sounds as if it was tenanted by a lot of wild “Ki I’s.” Corporal Shapiro tells on one of his friends, Ikey by name, who was in the Base H o spital suffering w ith the m e a s les: “Can anybody see your friend?” he was asked. “No,” he replied, “he w o u ldn’t see anyone, he is afraid he m ight give his friends the disease—and giving anything away isn’t his strong point.” Sergeant Alexander, of Company I, re cently told a raw recruit to keep his eyes from looking down at the ground. “I don’t know w h a t to do,” said the re cruit, “first it’s keep your eyes from the ground, and then it’s w atch your step; how can I do both?” GETTING AWAY WITH IT. His Sister’s Chum: “B u t Mr. Farnum , who put all of those horrible holes in the tents?” Corporal Farnum : “The Germans w ith their devilish ingenuity. You see Miss Simp kins a Boche inventor, a H e rr Sibley, sold the governm e n t a bum contract for a bunch of his patent stoves for arm y pyram idals. The holes are the result of our using the diabolical contrivances for three m onths past.” H. S. C.: “Isn’t th a t too perfectly aw ful?” C. F. (U n a b a s h e d ): “Oh, no! The scheme m iscarried and has really provided us w ith a w o n d erful and unexpected ventilating sys tem. Even the ‘closed-flap’ hoys are feeling the benefits of a more intim a te contact w ith the balmy Southern elem ents.” —R. W. I AMBULANCE CO. 108. Lieut. Jones left the company on Friday, the 4th, to go to New York City, w h ere he will be assigned to Bellevue H o spital for instruction in surgical conditions. Lieut. Buell w e n t north on a leave of absence two weeks ago. Society N o te: P rivate Jam e s C. Oles and Miss E lizabeth M. Gibson, of Bainbridge, N. Y., w ere m a rried a t the beginning of the New Y ear in the parsonage of the F ir s t B a p tist Church, Spartanburg. Miss E thel W elden, of Bingham ton, N. Y., and Mrs. Mary K n ight, m o ther of P rivate Edward' K n ight, w ere present, as w ere several mem bers of the company. M usical N o te: P rivate C. Francis Saver- cool w rote home for his mouth-organ, and. got it. Farm N o tes: P rivate R u therford Platte; has started to grow another m oustache. E ight new mules have joined the company. P rivate “E rnie” Ling, who delved deeply into the classics and fine arts when he was a student at Cornell U n iversity, has received the appointm e n t of mule skinner. The com petition was keen, and P rivate Ling is re ceiving the congratulations of his friends upon having achieved this post. “K id” Allen has had the sam e honor bestowed upon him. Sergeant Chaffee is enjoying his new corn-cob pipe. His tent-m ates haven’t as yet. reported on the subject. Sergeant “M ike” Doyle got the box he was expecting. P rivate Frederick Doolittle, of D ark Cor ners, was a recent visitor in the company street. BATTERY B, 106TH FIELD ARTILLERY. Our cooks are all in w h ite again. L e t’s hope the w h ite uniform s don’t encounter the O. D. chow. Our Mess Sergeant is hack from the B a se H o spital after a long rest from eating the food prepared under his supervision. ; W e understand th a t a horse stepped on the head of “Red” Decker. The horse was; re-shod right afterw a rds. R. E. A. COMPANY G, 105TH INFANTRY. Acting Corporal Delka recently received a m o st w o n d erful necktie from one of his friends. It is a neutral tie in every respect,, as every known color is represented. P e r haps the fair doner thought th a t he be longed to the “Rainbow Division.” NOTE TO CONTRIBUTORS. T h e G a s A t t a c k can not be r e s p o n s i b l e for m a n u scripts and draw ings subm itted for publication. Our staff is sm all and we are so busy th a t it is impossible to send back stuff we can’t use. We get a lot of m a n u script. We’d like to get a lot more. B u t please don’t ask u s , ju s t now, to send back your contributions. If we can possibly use; them, you may be sure we will.