THE WADSWORTH GAS ATTACK a n d RIO GRANDE RATTLER 9 PITY THE POOR YAPHANKER “ Say, boy! Are you going to the telegraph office?” “Sir, Pm Major Bobo, of Wofford College. Don’t delay me. I’m on my way to Division Headquarters.” “ Whadda ya mean, Division H e a d q u a rters?” “T u rner’s Drug Store.” He Has Lots of Steam Heat and Hot Water But Yearns for Palms and Oranges of Sunny South, “ C an you beat it? T h ink of those yaps! S itting in steam -heated barracks w ishing the W a r D e p a rtm e n t would send them down to S p a r tan b u r g - d o w n to the sunny South, as they put it, so th a t they could sit under the palm trees and eat oranges th a t they picked off the trees along the company streets. Can you beat it?” N a turally we couldn’t inasm u ch as they stopped raising oranges and palm s around Camp W a d sw o rth some tim e ago. But Harry-—Private Klyne, of the Second Pion eer Brigade H e a d q u a rters D e ta c h m e n t- had ju s t returned from a furlough and he had been out to Camp U p ton in Yaphank to see a couple of chaps he knew and who had been drafted. It was as cold in our ten t as the heart of the supply sergeant. W e ’d fed the Sib ley the last chunk of pine and had craw led into the blankets—not because we were tired, but because it was too cold to sit up longer. “Y’know w e’d heard a lot about the life of Riley these draft guys w e re living,” w ent on H a rry, “so Bill and I thought we’d give ’em a rum b le before we came back to W a d s worth. “We found the guys we w ere looking for in one of the big barracks. It was too cold for drill so the fellows w ere in quarters for the day. “Get this! At one end of the hall there were a battery of show er baths and bath rooms. H o t 'water? You said it; enough to float a battleship and hot enough to boil •eggs in. And some bath rooms! As finely equipped as any I ever saw! E v e rything com p lete—basins and everything. “On every floor there was a furnace and to every furnace one m a n was detailed every day to keep it going. And believe me he kept her going. Why, do you see my eyes pop out w h en I hear one guy holler because the tem p e rature in the place was only 82 degrees. I thought of you guys in the sunny South and laughed m y self off the chair. Chairs ? You said it. “Each of those unfortunate patriots had •only three blankets and a com forter. Tough, w h a t? W hy, do you know, if any of those fellows feel like getting up a t night he slips into his bath robe and pokes his feet into slippers and—. W h a t? You said it. Don’t have, to leave the nice w a rm hall. “W ell you can im agine w h a t happened to us W a d sw o rthers when they began to yelp about w a n ting to go to the sunny South. I started out to look over the rest of the out fit. I was ju s t leaving when I ran into a little old m a n who had come looking for his son. The old m an asked me about the boy and I thought I’d kid him. “ ‘My Mischa iss gedding along fine,’ the old guy explained. ‘H e iss a big m a n al ready in the arm y / “ ‘Commission,’ I inquired. “ ‘No,’ said the old man, ‘choost straidt salary.’ “And say, fellows, the Long Island R a il road sells the U p ton m en a round-trip ticket to New York for sixty cents. But you have to buy it at Yaphank. I had heard about it but didn’t know the whole trick. I tried to buy one of those w h o lesale rate tickets at the Flatbush avenue station in Brooklyn, w h en I w e n t o u t N o thing doing. Cost $8.72 if you buy in New York or Brooklyn. “But I slipped one over on them at that. I bought a single way ticket in Brooklyn and then got in on the cut rates w h en we started back for New York. “W h a t do you think of that! W a ter in my canteen frozen. And to think of those steam -heated w a rriors back in Y aphank. Squawking because they aren ’t sent down to the sunny South. D raft m e n ? Hell! Daft.” CLINTON COUNTY MEN. The Red Cross of P lattsburg, New York, is desirous of obtaining the nam es and addresses of all men from C linton county, in the service. A d d ress: Private B. L. Betsford, Company I, 105th Infantry. Beginning next w eek the Gas A ttack will sell for ten cents. And it’s the biggest bargain in camp.