OCR Interpretation

The Rio Grande rattler. ([McAllen], Hidalgo County, Tex.) 1916-1917, January 26, 1918, Image 7

Image and text provided by New York State Military History Museum

Persistent link: http://www.nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/sn87030234/1918-01-26/ed-1/seq-7/

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THE WADSWORTH GAS ATTACK a n d RIO GRANDE RATTLER 5 Tnctnaafer, A SOLDIER’S LETTER TO HIS SWEETHEART. Pom de mon; oie: You say th a t like oie yoy in Yiddish. It m eans apple of my eye. I never saw an apple in nobodys eye, Mable, but I guess th a t's some French custom. G reat news, Mable. A fello w h ats got a friend in the audience departm e n t in W a sh­ ington ju s t told me the w a rs going to end about the 15th of Feb. Dont say nothin to nobody about it. It m ight look as if I was gettin mixed up in politiks. I put in for a furlow on the 5th tho. T h e n I wont have to come back, eh Mable? Ill bet your glad. Its great to think of gettin into a place w h ere you cant see through the walls and th e r e aint three inches of mud on the floor. An think of not havin to tie the doors to­ g e ther when you come in or crawl under­ neath ern on your hans and nees and not havin to put everything you own in the world under the bed. But I guess you dont care as much about these things as I will. This would be a good training camp for artik explorers. I bet the fellow th a t picks out the camps either owns a cold storage plant in civil life or else they do it by mail order. It - got so cold the other night the silver in the therm o m e ter disappeared. It ain t been seen since. W e got a comical guy in the tent. Bill Broggins. Me an hims a pair. Keep every­ body .laffin all the time. Bill likes things hot about as well as me. Every nite he fills th e Sibly stove so full of wood th a t he has to ham m e r the last piece in. It gets so hot th a t it jum p s up and down like a mad mon­ key. T h a ts the way Siblys do w h en they ' g e t awful hot. W ere not bothered by th a t much though. W e got another guy thats a fresh air feend. His nam e is Angus McKenzie. Hes Scotch. Hes so close him self th a t he has to have lots of air or hed sm o ther. Every night he puls up the side of the tent by his bed. No one likes fresh air in its place better than me, Mable, but when its as fresh as this air is its place is outside. I wake up in the night rolled into a ball like a porkypine. Theys things in the mid­ dle of my back like his stickers. If I dont move I get cram p s. If I do, I freeze. All around the place w h ere Im lyin is as warm as a park bench in w inter. Som etim es I forget and push my feet down. T h a ts awful. One night I thought I heard the horn and stuck my head out of the blankets. It was Angus w ith his head and one arm outside snorin. Can you beat that. I bet he swims in the ice all w inter home and has his picture in the Sunday paper. I froze my ear before I could get my head back. T h a t the kind of a fello he is. Its awful cold in the mornin. They blow three calls. The first is ju s t for the slow guys. I can m ake it nice from the m arch if I dont take too m any cloze off. T h a ts no tem tashun. One guy jum p s up just before assem b ly and m akes a lot of fuss like hes gettin dressed. He dont fool nobody. The only thing he takes off a t night is his hat. Some says th a t falls off w hen he gets into bed. Angus gets up every m o rnin in his BVDs. I think his skin is furlined. You can hear him sm ashin the ice in the pail w ith a hair brush outside. Then you can tell hes w ashin by the noise he m akes like a busted steam pipe. Then he comes sm a shin into the tent leavin the door open and wipes the ice often his face w ith somebody elses towel an say gosh th a t great. I hate th a t kind of a fello. Bill Broggins cleaned the stove w ith his towel last wreek sos everything would be neet for inspection. Angus got hold of it in the dark next mornin. Gee, youd haft laft, Mable. I got the little tin m o rror you sent, Mable. Its unbreakable all right. Bill Broggins got so mad at it he tried to break it and couldnt. The first tim e I looked in it I got an awful start. I thought I was starvin. I looked like one of them pictures of hungry Indins th a t the m ishunaries show you just before they pass the plate. Bill Broggins swiped it later and says why didnt somebody tell him he was gettin so fat cause he couldnt go home on a furlo like that. He didnt eat nothin for three meals and then he looked a t him self w ith the m irrow turned the other way. Its like one of those Coney Island places where a fello can go in and laf at him self for a dime. N ext tim e send me one th a t will break. I got to quit now and buy a couple of pies before I go to bed. I dont sleep good less I have a little som ethin on my stumm ick. Dont say nothin about w h a t I told you in the beginning. U n til the 15th Feb. then yours faithfully BILL. THE HEA T H E N CHINESE IS PECULIAR. I walked into a Chinese laundry. It seem ­ ed to be the easiest way of getting in. He stood behind a little cage, evidently a pro­ tection against violence. He was scratching both elbows at the sam e time. I summoned up my best Chinese. “Very dirty washee. How longee takee. Two w eekee?” He stopped scratching long enough to stare at me. “I will endeavor to have it for you then, sir, but you know th a t the shortage of colored labor ham p ers our efficiency con­ siderably.” W h ereupon he handed me the cover of a package of firecrackers and I left the shop. We are now waiting for the spring to dry up the roads so that we can sweep up the Fords. Dear Ma: Pipes all froze again. N ever mind send­ ing th a t soap. Send down a couple of good erasers instead. Yours, Willie. “T h a t's me all over,” said Bill as the shell hit him. H a lf the world are squirrels and the other half are—soldiers. Hoover has set the style w ith his WHEAT- LESS DAYS and his M E A T L E SS DAYS. And in South Carolina they have HEAT- LESS DAYS. Also, in the arm y we have SH E E T L E S S DAYS. W hy not a few DRILL-LESS DAYS? Or FATIGUELESS DAYS? Or NON-COMLESS DAYS? Said the mess orderly at the headquarters officers’ mess, “Say, cook, this plate of beans is O. K ” “Howzat?” asked the cook, testing the cocoa’s w a rm th w ith his thumb. “Because it was ju s t passed by the cen­ sor ! ” (N. B.—Pity the poor G a s A t t a c k editors. They get jokes like this every day. If they don’t run them , the author, who is us­ ually a six foot-two top sergeant, comes around and w ants to know why.)

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