12 GAS ATTACK On Furloughs and How to Get Them An Exegesis By An Expert, Who Re veals the Secret Technique. W h y are so many men grum b ling over their hard luck in not getting furloughs? Ju s t as though furloughs were im possible things to obtain! Only yesterday four men came up to me at different tim es and each said practically the sam e thing. “W h a t do you know about th a t?” “About w h a t?” I asked politely each time. “W hy, Tom, Dick and H a rry w e n t off last night on ten-day furloughs! I’m willing to bet one pie and a bag of doughnuts th a t none of them had a respectable excuse. Ye guns and little pistols! I w ish I had the nerve those fellows had. W hy, if I don’t deserve a furlough more than th a t whole bunch put together, IT1 eat my issued u n d e r s h ir t! ” Poor fellows. It is for their benefit and the benefit of all m en like them th a t I w rite this article. Easy—When You Know How. The sim p lest thing in the world is to get a furlough. T h e re are a hundred and one reasons why you should, and ought, to have a furlough; it is just a question of deciding which reason you w a n t to give and then know ing how to give it. Sick parents and dying wives are a bit drastic and should be held in reserve but how about this if you are a bachelor?: Camp W a d sw o rth, S. C. F e b ruary 23rd, 1918. From : P v t K an I. B e a ti t To: C. O. Co. X, 1048th U. S. Inf. Subject: A p plication for Furlough. 1. I request a ten-day furlough from Jan. 1st, 1920, (always apply well in advance in order to allow the A d jutant and Colonel plenty of tim e in w h ich to m a k e out and sign your papers) to Jan. 9th, 1920, both days inclusive, to visit New York. 2. My reasons for m aking this request is to enable me to m ake a hit w ith an aged grandm o ther about to m ake h e r last will and testam e n t. 3. My aunt lives in Harlem , poor thing! 4. I am serving in my first, and I hope, last enlistm ent. 5. My aunt is passionately fond of onion and cheese salad. 6. I have sufficient funds to enable me to reach New York, w h e re I know some one who will lend me enough to get back on. 7. A n y thing I can do for you in the Big City? KAN I. BEATIT. M ake out this application in triplicate and hand it to your Top Sergeant. Then prepare for a hasty departure. | Form for M arried Men. ■ F o r m a rried men I would suggest the fol lowing, fourteen copies of w h ich should be made out and passed around to the Colonel and his staff: Camp W adsw o rth, S. C. February 23rd, 1918. From : CpL W ill U. K o macross. To: C. O. Co. G, 1048 XJ. S. Inf. Subject: Furlough. 1. I request a ten-day furlough from June 11th to June 20th, both days inclusive, w ith perm ission to visit the H o te l M a n h attan, Jack ’s, Churchill’s and R e isenw e b e r’s. 2. My reasons for m aking this request is to enable me to tran s a c t exceedingly im p o r tan t business w ith my w ife’s father, who is too old to m ake the trip South. 3. M ary is a perfect queen. She used to be third from the end in “Miss 1948.” 4. I hope to bring M ary back w ith me and will introduce you to her then—if you will lend me fifty dollars. 5. I have never asked you for money be fore. 6. M ary w rites th a t she thinks you m u st be a perfect dear. Hoping th a t you are, I am, W ILL TJ. KOMACROSS. It is all very simple, isn’t it? T h e re is, however, another quite different way of obtaining a furlough, but it necessi tates considerable technique and should be used sparingly. H e re is the story of w h a t happened the first tim e I saw it worked. The Fox B itten Dummy. T h e re was a m an in our company who had a cold. One day he becam e suddenly speechless. He reported at Sick Call and was rushed to the infirm ary. H e re he was exam ined but the doctors could find nothing w rong w ith his th r o a t or speaking appara tus. The following day the m an was still speechless. Six doctors took the m a tter up in a serious way. They m a d e another exam ination, filed 43 reports of 26 pages each w ith the Surgeon General and recom m ended th a t the m an paint his feet w ith iodine. Still there ap peared no change in the m a n ’s condition. The next day ten doctors at the Base- H os pital held a consultation, m ade out 51 1-2 reports in triplicate and recom m ended O. D. pills. E v e n dll of this was of no help. The m an could not be m ade to speak. He becam e worried. He looked scared. The following day, w h ile being exam ined by another board, he snatched a piece of paper, nervously took a pencil and w rote this pathetic appeal: “F o r God’s sake, send me to a specialist.” The Doctors Gasped. The m edicine m en gasped. They looked a t each other in am azem ent. And then in a c h o rus they answ e red: “We never thought of that. The very thing.” So they issued the m an a thirty-day fur lough to go to New York and. be treated by a specialist. I w e n t as far as the S p a rtanburg station w ith the poor fellow to get his ticket for him and see him safely on the train. Ju s t before he got on the train, a young and charm ing girl stepped into the car he was to occupy. He nudged me, jum p ed onto the platform and just as the train was pulling out of the station, looked back and distinctly stated: “Gee! W h a t a peach!” —V. R. Co. K, 107th Inf. FOR THE WELFARE OF NEW YORKERS, Gov. Whitman Appoints Board of Offi cers to Help Men in Service. Gov. W h itm a n has appointed a board of officers consisting of Lt. Col. C. J. Ahern, Lt. Col. G. W. Burleigh, M ajor J. N. Con nolly, C aptain R o b e rt Saunders, Captain Gerald S tratton, M ajor Edw in W. Moore, officer in charge, for the purpose of doing everything possible for the w e lfare o f ' the m en from the S tate of New York in F e d e ral m ilitary service. Through the courtesy of Colonel J. Hollis W ells, comm anding Seventy-first Regim ent, N. Y. G., this board has secured quarters in the 71st Regim e n t Armory, 33d street and P a rk avenue, and will be accorded every as sistance by brigade and regim e n tal officers at th a t post. T h e board is desirous of hav ing it known to all soldiers of the 27th Division th a t w h enever they are in New York City they will be welcomed at the board’s headquarters at the above address and any assistance or help which m ay be required will be furnished upon application. It is the purpose of this board to do everything w ithin its pow er to further the best interests of the officers and men of the 27th Division, and it is hoped th a t its services may be of use and benefit to them. The board is anxious to receive sugges tions as to anything th a t can be done for the w elfare of those at Camp W adsw o rth. GOING UP! E d itor Gas Attack: K indly print the following: Corporal John J. W a ters, Co. E, 162d Engs., will pay fifteen cents each for one copy each of No. 8 and No. 9 issue. T h a n k ing you in advance, I rem ain, CORP. JOHN J. W A TERS.