OCR Interpretation

The Rio Grande rattler. ([McAllen], Hidalgo County, Tex.) 1916-1917, April 06, 1918, Image 7

Image and text provided by New York State Military History Museum

Persistent link: http://www.nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/sn87030234/1918-04-06/ed-1/seq-7/

Thumbnail for 7
GAS ATTACK 5 Incinerator, A SOLDIER’S LETTER TO HIS ■ SWEETHEART. Dere Mable I would have w rote you before this only the fellos in my ten t is too tite to buy any paper. It wouldnt take much, though, to tell you w h a t I been doin. If I ever w rote a book about my adventures sam e as th a t fello Em p ty w h a t w rote the book called “Over the top and go to H e ll” it would run in com petition w ith the Manual of Inferior Gard. Im gettin so I can only sleep four hours at a time. The only trouble is th a t it works the other way. W h en I do happen to m iss a day not bein on gard I have to go to sleep after I work for two hours. Of course th a t interferes w ith the drill sched­ ule, Mable, but you cant explain nothin to a top sargent. I overslept the other mornin. I didnt here the horn. I dont see how they expect a fello to here the horn if hes a sleep. If he herd it hed be awake. I got out before they started firin anyway. I had to go w ithout breakfast to do it. I w a snt goin to complain about that, though. Soldierin every minit. T h a ts me all over, Mable. The L ieutenant got awful sore. I guess he was mad cause he saw hed got up earlier than he had to. He said he was goin to prefer charges and asked me w h a t I had to say. I told him every m an to his taste and if he was askin my opinion Id prefer to go back to bed. Awful excitable fello, the L ieutenant. I saw a letter on the tops desk yesterday about the meddles a fello can get now. Theys all kinds of different ones. Somes from Congres and somes from the W ard A p artm ent. Im goin to w rite my congress­ m a n as soon as I finish this and get a bunch of them . Of course I w ouldnt w e a r them till I do som ething pretty good but I figure out th a t itll take so long to get em over there th a t it would be b e tter to get em now and takem over w ith me. Im goin to tell the congresm an too that as far as Im concerned Id like to go to France as soon as I can. Its gettin nice and warm now for travelin. I w ant to see the Champs Eliza. T h a ts a street in P a ris th a t was nam ed after Queen ~ E lizabeth. But thats history, Mable,* I dont suppose youd under­ stand. They tell me its even better lookin than Broadway or Fortysecond (42d) street. I saw in the Sarahcuse papers th a t they thought the artilery was goin there to ex­ pand. If I expand any more Mable, Im goin to bust my belt. I don’t know why it is. I dont eat nothin outside of meal hours excepriii a few pies and the like but 1 get fatter and fatter. I never think of eat in when Im not hungry like some fellos. A fello w h a t does th a t is m akin a pig out of hisself I think. Angus McDonald, the skotch fello, was out garding the guns w ith me the other night. He w ent to sleep on an aunt hill. I guess the aunts thought he was a new moun- tin or som ething cause they was all standin on him the next m ornin. To look at the sunrise I says, eh Mable. Angus didnt seem to care though. He says Napoleum had the sam e thing happen to him and was always tellin how an arm y traveled on his stum- mick. Napoleun, Mable, is the fello th a t Washington licked. They nam ed th a t three colored ice cream after him. All day long while w ere firin, Mable, a fello from Brigade headquarters stands near the guns and looks through a big glass w ith horns on it. I guess hes to lazy to hold it him self so he brings out cam e ra legs and puts them under it. He looks through the glass and seem s to see a lot of num b ers that he tells to a fello w h a t stands beside him. I dont see w h e re he sees them . I looked through the glass the other day while he was eatin lunch and I couldnt see a thing except the side of the hill. T h e n he came back and looked through it and read off a string of them . The fello beside him w rites down everything he says. I looked over his shoulder the other day. It looked more like a Jew ish curse to me than anything else. The L ieutenant cam e down the other day and told us to get all shined up cause the Sanitary inspector was comin out to look us over. I thought hed be all dressed up in w h ite with w h ite tennis shoes like fancy bakers and sanitary barber shops. He w a snt though. He just had on a regular uniform. I didnt think he was speshully sanitary. It may have been sunburn though. I couldnt tell from w h ere I stood. He had a fello w ith him they said was from the audience departm ent. I know now why they call it the audience departm e n t. All they do is come round and w atch us work. T h a ts a branch I didnt know about till after Id joined this. W ell, Mable, I got to quit now and go and look at the Gard rooster to see if I answ er to sick call tom m o rrow morning. They say the Germans is raisin the dickins. I wish thed hurry up an get me over there. yours eternally in h a s te Bill (E. S.) YOU CA3STT BEAT ’EM. T aylor Holmes, late star of “B u n k er Bean,” is telling a story along the “G reat W h ite W a y ” which has the earm a rks of be­ ing a new one: A little Irishm a n who was doing his bit in one of the Canadian regi­ m e n ts was captured by the Boches and brought before a very im p o rtant looking German general, who was covered w ith iron crosses, tin crosses, and all the rest of the “junk” dear to the German heart. As he approached the general he rem a rked: “Say, Gineral, YOU DIRTY DUTCH will have to adm it th a t W E IRISH certainly knocked hell out of you at the battle of the Somme.” At this the general ordered the Irishm a n flogged. The Irishm a n rem o n strated w ith him by saying, “Sure, Gineral, I m e a n t no offense, I am only saying som ething th a t when his­ tory is w ritten will go down as a fact, and that is ‘YOU DIRTY DUTCH will have to adm it th a t W E IRISH certainly knocked hell out of you at the B a ttle of the M arne.” At this second insult the general becam e enraged and ordered the Irishm a n to be shot at sunrise. The Irishm a n pleaded for his life, but the German inform ed him th a t he could only save it in one way and th a t was by becoming a citizen of Germany, sw e a ring allegiance to the K aiser, and all German institutions. The Irishm a n concluded th a t he “was a better m an living than dead,” so he agreed to become a citizen of Germany. A fter this long cerem ony had been gone through with, and he had sworn allegiance to the K aiser, he stepped up to the general, slapped him on the back, and rem a rked, “Well, Gineral, WE DIRTY DUTCH have got to adm it th a t the IRISH certainly knocked hell out of us at the battle of the Somme.” Sent in by SGT. J. W. McGOVERN, Co. B, O. T. S. HOW RUMORS START. “ On© hears it whispered.*’ (See editorial on opposite page.)

xml | txt