GAS ATTACK 25 r There’s no INK in the Trenches There’s plenty of water. S w a n T a b l e t I n k and water give you a perfect writing ink! It comes tucked away in the end of the barrel of every S w a n S a f e t y ’ MILITARY FOUNTAIN PEN —an ample supply for six or seven hundred sheets of writing. One tablet—plus water makes a barrel full of ink. A great combination — a famous pen: perfect ink tablets. The Swan Safety M ilitary Pen i s non leaking is dependable, has a sm o o th gold pen-point, and it a lw a y s w r ites. Obtainable from stationers, jew e l lers, d ruggists, e tc., e v eryw h e re. If you cannot o b tain from y o u r d ealer order direct from th e m anufac turer, en c losing rem ittance. Price com p lete $ 3 . 0 0 . Extra refills Swan Ink Tablet Am m u n ition in w o o d n tube 15c. AMBULANCE COMPANY NO. 107. The all-absorbing question these days is who is next on the furlough hat. The nifty Stetson in question has been making the rounds for some time, and at present w riting ought to be able to tell some interesting tales of furlough days. The office force were hard pushed the day Eddie Hobbins came in from home, making out new allotm ent and changing the bene ficiary on his insurance. The cause of the assault is a little lady away up north who is keeping the home fires burning while the lord of the Manor is out making the world safe for Democrats. The charming stoker of the home fires was acquired by marriage during Eddie 7s visit. The boy is all puffed up about the affair, and is speedily becoming fluent in the expression, “ my w i f e / 1 A reception com m ittee of two greeted the husband when he pulled in here at 2 A. M., and the tent was decorated appropriately in futuristic colors and figures. We are m ighty busy just now preparing for a two-weeks excursion to the infantry Range w ith the 53rd Brigade for training and ma neuvers. The entire outfit makes the trip, hiking the full distance up and return. We are in for the life of the cavemen, and some insight into the real horrors of war ought to be absorbed. The experience will not come as something entirely new to us because we have held several m iniature parties along this line, but the opinion is general th a t we will enjoy the nearest to the real thing yet a t tempted. Private Grier, erstwhile valiant Major of a twice valiant Boy Scout band, is en route N o rth to make some blushing damsel the pos sessor of a soldier-man. Doubtlessly, she is a sw eetheart of golden youth who capitulated when the sturdy Harold went forth to scout in his alluring habiliment. “ None but the brave deserve the fa i r ,' ? so some of them have it, and a lot of us think the sentiment reeking of romance, but McKinley, the Icon oclast, opines the cruel barb that the lady was desirous of hanging out a pretty service flag, which are all the rage these seasons. Hanson, an authority on moustaches and women, received a blow this week in the form of a crisp note from the Hostess House con veying these fateful words: Dear Mr. Hanson: Please discontinue your too frequent and elongated visits to this domicile as you are wearing all the paint off our perfectly lovely chairs. Yours, LaM ont is a radical of the reddist hue, and he is spilling his red paint all over our com pany street. He bodily injects into our A r cadian bliss a disquieting spirit of anarchism, which is gaining more and more adherents as it insidiously germinates. Like all ultra-radi cal tenets his stuff sounds attractive to the *i M icawbers , 7 7 and many of our young and unhorned “ B u c k s \ are giving ear to the per nicious doctrine. Here are a few samples of his revolutionary theory. They are ghastly. They seek to undermine the customs we love and respect, and utterly put to rout the en dearing institutions of fatigue, drill, guard duty, and hikes. Two weeks vacation twice a month. Week-end trips in Company motors to New York and Yonkers. Privates only. Abolishment of all calls, guard duty, drill, fatigue, details, inspection, etc., etc. Valet service. Uniforms to suit the climate. Running suits in summer. Semi-weekly dances in mess-shack. Free beer. Daily wage of $10. Pay-day nightly. No allotment. No insurance. Chicken and ice-cream daily. Eggnog be fore retiring. Music with all meals. Folding beds and lounging chairs in each tent. Also player pianos. Telephones and taxi service. Buffet and cabaret at head of street. B u r lesque house in middle. Movie at foot, and so on ad infinitum. The w e e k ’s best rumor: Zenker is to be the next C. O. G. F. B. CAMP LIBRA R Y ’S ‘ELEVEN BRANCHES. (Continued from page 13) rian of the Kennedy Free L ibrary in Spar tanburg, is not only serving the soldiers in town but has also contributed many books to the Camp Collection and helped to enlist a number of volunteer workers for th e Camp Library. The most extensive branch library is at the Base Hospital. Book service there is booming since the arrival of Miss Ola Wyeth, of the University of Illinois Library. While devoting herself specially to the pa tients, she is not forgetting the Medical De tachment, the nurses and the doctors. A reading room open every day has been es tablished in the Chapel building, and books are also delivered daily to the patients in the wards. Word has been received that 5,760 more books and 416 scrap books have been ship ped here from Rochester, N. Y. These are the first results of the recent nation-wide drive for more books. The scrap books con sist of pictures, poems, jokes, short stories, etc., neatly mounted in a 16-page blank book. They are intended specially for hospital pa tients.