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Image provided by: New York State Military History Museum
WHAT THE MEN MUST WEAR F y RICHARD CONNELL W e didn’t realize what the phrase “ horrors of war ” really meant till we saw the overseas cap, Some thought it Avas a joke. It was — on us, It appears to have been designed by a German plot ter with a sardonic sense of humor. Perhaps one of the Simplicissimus artists did it. No matter how handsome a man may be in a cam paign hat, put him in one of these trick bean-protec- tors and he looks like — (a) A low burlesque co median or ( b) A Swiss yodeler or. (c) Frisco Red the Y e g g or. (d) A W i n t e r Garden chorus man. The caps are “ distinctly individual ” , all right ; no two are alike. Perhaps they were made in the dark. The only outfit with less uniform head-gear is the Chinese labor battalion. The one thing our Chapeaux are good, for is to absorb moisture. They can get wet quicker and stay wet longer than any object now known to science. And snappy! W e t or dry they are almost as snappy in appearance as a mess tin full of three-day- old corned willy. The genius who evolved these caps was probably responsible for other parts of our uniforms. They re present an early period in his career of practical joking. W e have been in the war nearly two years without discovering why all O. D. shirts are size 16; why all blouses are made for either Jess W i l l a r d or Charley Chaplin; why some blouses need a weekly shave, else their wearers will look like spaniels ; why pants are so delicately made that they can be worn out by sleeping in them one night in a feather b e d ; why blouse and pants never by any chance match. Perhaps we will learn — apres la guerre 1 Does the water still flow in the Hudson? Are there any more chocolate creams? Are,\oranges and peaches within peoples reaches? W a s the Past just as good as it seems? Do people still dine around tables? And order the food that they please? Or when they want taters and j u icy tomaters Do they have to eat crackers and cheese? Are the taxis and street cars still running? Do fashions change twice every year? Are dances and dinners still blue ribbon winners On nights that are balmy and clear? And, by the way, now that I’m asking Please, tell me, are you really real — A live human being I once was a’seeing Or a dream girl my waking hours steal? P v t . R ay L . V an B u r e n . — 16 — ^ ^ ^
